Roses & Thorns: A Year In Words and Photos

Every year that passes, I've noticed that, culturally, it becomes easier and easier to point out all that was negative over the last 365 days. I am exceedingly guilty of this. "This year was horrible! I'm ready for a new year," or something to that effect is heard nearly as often as "Good morning!" or "How are you?" this time of year. The stretch from Christmas Eve to today, December 31st, 2023, has been what I've repeatedly referred to as a 'slog' for me, emotionally. Slog is defined as a spell of difficult or tiring work or traveling, and that's what this last week has felt like. Swaying like a clock pendulum back and forth between bouts of hyper-sadness to a lack of anything existing inside my chest aside from tissue, blood, and organs, I slogged through the week. I struggled between not wanting to see the face of another human being, and being so desperate for company. I was moody and erratic in my disposition around those I consider close, and owe them apologies.

During this week, I tried a number of things to bring myself out of this funk, and one that I found to be quite enjoyable, productive, and reflective in a positive way was going through my Google Photos and Facebook posts over the last year and making note of the events, both good and bad, that I captured with my phone camera in a Word document. I took this a step further by creating a very rudimentary but enjoyable collage of each month. I'll share a few of the more significant months here.

January 2023. This month had quite a lot of experience packed into it. Travel, loss, and creation. I don't recall what I was up to when the clock struck midnight and we bid farewell to 2022 at the start of January (I was probably asleep much like I most likely will be tonight), but I know where I was at the end of January. I was on a plane on my way to San Jose, CA to film the transport of honey bees to almond orchards near Oakdale, CA. It was during this trip that I found out my little buddy Clyde Sound of Silence Whiskers had fallen sick and passed over the proverbial rainbow bridge. 

A few weeks prior to that I was recording for an EP that I released in April of 2023. It consisted of 4 brand new songs that, for better or worse, I mixed and mastered myself.

March 2023. This is always one of my favorite months because the sun starts peeking out a bit more, the cold is (sometimes) a bit less cold, and every year myself and a bunch of other buddies get together to watch the beginning of the March Madness basketball tournament. It's become a holiday for a few of us, and it's more about the hang with great people than anything else. 

My dad's 85th birthday would have been March 23rd, and while I think of him often March is always a constant and bittersweet reminder of him. St. Patrick's day is also in March, as many know, and it was my dad's absolute favorite holiday. As if I wasn't enough of a nostalgic, sentimental prick anyway, St. Pats and dad's birthday help in keeping my heart continually soft. 

It was in March that I also had a photoshoot with my friend Al at 5Hikes Photography. While I presume for Al it was simply another job he was sure to knock out of the park (which he absolutely did), for me it brimmed with anxiety about my appearance. As a professional videographer, I'm accustomed to being behind the camera, so this posed well beyond my comfort zone. Yet Al, ever the kind soul, set me at ease. When all was said and done, this moment etched deeper bonds of friendship between us.

April 2023. My birth month. The year I turned 40. There was a lot of amazing experiences packed into this month. It began, on April 1st with a trip to San Francisco. My partner at the time and I traveled to surprise her best friend and celebrate her son's birthday. While in the Bay Area we were able to stop by one of the most important (to me) places in music history, 924 Gilman St., an all-ages DIY punk rock venue that my favorite band, Green Day, cut their teeth at. While I didn't get to go inside because it was around 10am, I got to stand outside and imagine what it would have been like to be waiting in line to see Green Day in 1992.

I also released my EP titled Life Automatic, on April 13th of this past year. It was a lot of work and learning that went into making this. It was the first musical effort that I had created that I had done from tip to tail on my own. While it's a bit rough around the edges, I love it and am proud of having completed it.

My 40th birthday was on April 15th. As I understood it, there were no big plans. My mom and my partner's parents were coming to town, and I assumed it was going to be a very low-key dinner outing and visit, which I was very excited for. What actually transpired was a surprise party on a scale I could not have imagined. I was overwhelmed (in the best way possible) by everyone who showed up on account of me. The planning and coordinating it took still amazes me, and I am so grateful for all those close to me for putting this together. I think of it often when I need to remind myself that I do, in fact, have (a lot of ) people in my corner rooting for me and wishing for the best. 

May 2023. A month of goodbyes and new beginnings. I began saying farewell to the childhood home where generations grew. I amicably parted from someone who's still so important to me. My mom moved 100 miles closer to me.  

Not long after that mutual separation, I drove to a place that has always held my interest - Bannack, Montana. Staying in Butte at a friend's place, I passed through on Memorial Day weekend. Something about the area has and always will draw me to it.

Mom listed our 100+ year multi-generational home. Again another bittersweet moment this year. I remember that hallway mirror, watching myself grow up in its reflection. Now in my room, it's a cherished memory of all the years in that house. 

Mom started fresh here in Missoula this month. Sorting through a lifetime's possessions is no simple task. With help from our friend Tom, she settled into her new apartment. We've truly enjoyed being closer, and our relationship has flourished. I'm thankful to have her so close to me, metaphorically and physically. 

October 2023. There were a lot of great things that happened between May and October of 2023, but to my memory, few things stood out more than seeing Mudhoney in my town, seeing Death Cab For Cutie perform their album Transatlanticism, and getting to visit my sweet Aunt Bonnie. 

I went to see Death Cab with my friend Cora in Seattle. We ate at a great seafood restaurant and got to wander around the Lower Queen Anne neighborhood. It was an unusually sunny and beautiful trip. This doesn't happen often in Seattle during the month of October. The Climate Pledge Arena is a gorgeous place, and I would be thrilled to see a show there again. 

Mudhoney rocked the ZACC as if they were the Beatles playing Shea Stadium. I saw so many wonderful people at that show and will always remember it as one of my quintessential "Missoula" shows. Right up there with The Flaming Lips who I saw in August of 2023.

My aunt Bonnie is my dad's younger sister. It was wonderful to see her. The way her eyes sparkle and how she smiles is so familiar. I cherish those looks, and I relish the time that I do get with her and I won't allow it to be fleeting. We had a wonderful dinner with her daughter Jeri Lee and Jeri's husband Gary as well as my mom. Family is everything. 

The future remains unwritten, and that excites me. I don't know where this year will lead, but I'm ready for the ride. I want to try new things, push my boundaries, keep growing. And most importantly, make time for those who matter - sharing laughter, lending an ear, celebrating wins big and small.